Have you ever considered that tension in your relationship can be a good thing? Often God is introducing areas that need to be improved. He wants you to embrace these marriage struggles. The best way to do this is by asking each other tough questions:
- A husband might say, “Outside of the Lord Himself, do you feel like you are taking second place to anything in my life?”
- A wife might ask, “Do you feel like I respect you?”
Then there are right and wrong ways to respond to these questions:
- Imagine a wife answers that she does not feel that she is the supreme relationship in her husband’s life. He should not try to talk her out of the way she feels or persuade her to see things differently. This will make her feel even more misunderstood.
- Imagine a husband answers that his wife makes him feel disrespected. She should not argue with him and try to convince him he is wrong. This will make him feel even more disrespected.
Instead, each spouse should listen to the other, apologize the right way, and try to make the appropriate changes. When couples ask each other these difficult questions, they should expect some painful discussions. That’s great.
A helpful way to view marriage struggles…
Continue reading Embrace marriage struggles!
Elwyn, my friend I’ve discussed in sermons and bulletin letters and is attending camp with us (and is here today!), sent me a message this past week that started with, “We checked your weather and saw it was 81. Nice! Today it is 104 in Yuba City. We are thankful…that it is not 105!!!” A few days later he sent another e-mail that said, “111 degrees today. Yes, I said 111.” This made me think of something: I’ve been complaining lately to myself about the heat: What’s going on? Thought we got away from this when we left California? When I read Elwyn’s message two things came to mind…
First, 80’s don’t seem too bad compared to 100’s…or 110’s. Many times the struggles we’re facing wouldn’t seem as bad if we considered what other people are experiencing. Many times we feel sorry for ourselves because we’re thinking about ourselves too much and not enough about others. One of the benefits of praying for others is it takes our minds off ourselves and helps us to think about what others are going through. Our struggles start looking a lot smaller. If we think about ourselves all the time…and all we’re going through…and how tough our lives are…and how we’ve got it so bad, then we’re going to be miserable. In 2 Corinthians 11:23-28 Paul lists all the suffering he experienced and I’d say second only to Job or Jesus (Isa 53:3) Paul might be the man most acquainted with suffering in the entire Bible. Amazingly though, he could write an entire book (Philippians) about all the joy he experienced. At least part of that must have come from how much he thought about other believers. In 2 Cor 11:28 he said, “what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches.” His beatings and shipwrecks weren’t upsetting him so much, because he was so burned for other believers…and non-believers.
The second thing I thought of is I’m not thankful enough. There are always reasons to be thankful. Elwyn was thankful it was 104 instead of 105…then, although he didn’t say it, maybe he was thankful it was 111 instead of 112. I’m not sure how hot it’d have to get before he’d finally complain. If we’re believers, just the thought of what Jesus has done for us as well as what awaits us should fill us with unspeakable joy (1 Pet 1:8) and thankfulness.
And here’s today’s (7/14/13) sermon: Luke 4:3 Wait on the Lord