I’m really struggling trying to get my husband to lead. I have tried to encourage him to do so, but I’m at a loss! Taking the initiative is what I want him to do, but he won’t. I have your workbook, but he won’t go over the questions with me. Short of reminding him again and again and feeling like I’m nagging him – which I hate doing and have tried really hard not to do – how do I get him to step up?
Unfortunately, there’s no answer that guarantees a husband will grow in this area. Although I provide the following recommendations, I can’t assure a wife that her husband will be different in the future. For any single ladies, this is one thing to keep in mind before saying, “I do.”
1. If your husband won’t lead, keep reminding him.
I’ll be the first to say that as husbands we can be oblivious and forgetful at times. God has called you to be your husband’s helper, and this is one of the best ways for you to fulfill that role. The obvious danger is that your reminders turn in to nagging. The woman who sent me the above question said she makes an effort to prevent that from happening. That’s wonderful!
Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves based on Ephesians 5:26–27:
That [Christ] might sanctify and cleanse [the church] with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
This is discussing what Christ does with His, Bride, the Church. Since the context is marriage, it’s also explaining what husbands should do with their wives. Christ “sanctifies and cleanses” His bride, so husbands should sanctify and cleanse their brides. This makes a husband at least partially responsible for his wife’s sanctification.
Watch the short video of Katie and I discussing the answer and/or read the transcript below…
Just as Christ gets the church He prepares for Himself, so husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves
There is a tremendous truth contained in these words. Christ does what He does in verse 26—sanctifying and cleansing the church—so that He can obtain for Himself the glorious church, or bride, described in verse 27 that “has no spot or wrinkle but is holy and without blemish.” The simplest way to say it is: Christ gets the church He prepares for Himself.Continue reading “Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves”→
16:00–28:15—I discussed Genesis 30:1-2, which contains instruction for husbands and wives
28:15–31.5 – Closing thoughts
Part I: 0–14:15 – “What if my husband isn’t interested in the Bible?”
Here’s the full question:
“My husband isn’t interested in the Bible. I’m becoming more interested in theology, but my husband feels like the topics that interest me don’t matter. He feels like a Christian is a Christian regardless. My question is, for a wife whose husband doesn’t agree with her theologically, what should I do? Should I just relax and let God work?”
Here are three suggestions:
Pray! If your husband husband isn’t interested in the bible, you can’t make him be interested. Spiritual hunger and spiritual thirst is just that: spiritual. You can pray God gives him that hunger and thirst, but it’s not something you can give him.
Encourage him! Be enthusiastic whenever he discusses Scripture. That will hopefully excite him about discussing it with you in the future.
Ask him questions! Give him the opportunity to share. Keep your expectations low if he isn’t very studied. Do your best to prevent it from turning into an argument. That will only discourage him from talking about the Bible with you in the future.
Last week we began our Sunday School class on purity for the fathers and sons. Part of the reason men should be pure is because God has called them to be the spiritual leaders of their families, which are like mini-churches with fathers as the pastors. That’s why I prefer wives ask their husbands biblical questions instead of asking me, so husbands have the privilege of being the spiritual leaders of their wives. If husbands don’t know the answer, they can ask me and I’ll do my best to find the answer and pass it along to the husband and then he can teach his family.
Since a father’s purity has a direct impact on his ability to lead his family well I’d like to provide a challenge for the men that compliments the purity class. I’d like to ask them to do something fairly simple that won’t require much time or preparation, but that I believe could provide some real blessings: I’d like to ask fathers to read the verses I’ll be covering on Sunday morning with their families on Saturday evenings; if they’re busy on Saturday evenings, hopefully they could reschedule for earlier in the day. Aside from giving fathers a nice opportunity to lead their families spiritually, I see some other benefits like:
Preparing the family for Sunday morning
Building some anticipation for the sermon
Developing some familiarity with the verses so more can be gleaned from the sermon
Providing some wonderful family time around God’s Word, probably also leading to great discussion and interaction
Since I go verse-by-verse, you’ll almost always be safe just picking up where I left off from the previous Sunday, but in Monday’s e-mail with the prayer requests and announcements I’ll still try to make sure I put the verses I expect to cover.
One of the main reasons men don’t lead their families spiritually (along with laziness) is fear. It’s intimidating thinking about opening the Word with your family. Fathers shouldn’t look at this as a sermon they have to preach or Bible study they have to lead. It can be a simple reading of the verses followed by the father asking the family to share their thoughts. Wives can play an important role in this by encouraging their husbands.