Correcting People Is Loving

marriage-gods-way-author-scott-lapierre-correcting peopleLast post discussed the importance of correcting people, something largely ignored by the world. Our culture often says “love” means letting people do whatever they want whether it is detrimental to them or anyone else. Disagreeing with someone’s choices or lifestyle makes you at best unloving, and at worst hateful. This logic demands sitting back silently while people make decisions that are detrimental to them or others.

The Bible, on the other hand, points out the logical reality that love demands correcting people:

Proverbs 9:8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you;
rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.

He will love you, because he has the wisdom to recognize you have done him a favor.

Correcting People: The Behavior of Friends Versus Enemies

David saw it as an act of love to be rebuked by someone: Continue reading “Correcting People Is Loving”

3 Reasons Giving Correction Is Important

Giving correction is vitally important to the health and joy of marriages, families, churches, businesses, teams, etc. You name it – any group or organization that involves relationships – requires giving correction.

Why is that? We’re sinners. We sin against others and others sin against us. We have to be able to give correction to others, and we have to allow others to correct us. Here are three reasons this is so important!

1. Giving correction protects against bitterness.

When people sin against us, it can create an offense. We have to talk to the person that upset us. The alternative allows bitterness to develop, and it can have far-reaching consequences:

Hebrews 12:15b Lest any root of bitterness spring up causing trouble, and by this many become defiled.

Nothing ruins relationships faster than having an offense but not going to the person that offended you. The hurt festers creating anger and hostility. Continue reading “3 Reasons Giving Correction Is Important”

Warnings for the Stingy

Warnings for the stingyWhile the stingy hope to keep more for themselves, God’s Word is clear that the opposite results.

Since Proverbs has thirty-one chapters it works well to read a chapter each morning. This provides wisdom to take with you throughout the day. We often do this for our morning family Bible study, especially on days when I say to myself, “What should we do today?” or “I don’t feel like continuing through…” This was the case yesterday, and I was particularly struck by the consecutive proverbs related to giving. A clear principle developed in Proverbs 11:24-

A stingy heart leads to poverty while generosity secures blessing

Proverbs 11:24 There is one who scatters (or gives freely as it’s translated in some Bibles: NIV, NLT, ESV, HCSB, ISV), yet increases more; And there is one who withholds more than is right, but it leads to poverty.

Someone who’s very generous receives more as a result. It’s reminiscent of Jesus’ words in Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

In contrast, the second half of the verse says someone who’s stingy – despite their best efforts to have more – ends up poor.

Proverbs 11:25 The generous soul will be made rich,
And he who waters
(or refreshes in NIV, NLT), will also be watered himself.

Again the generous person is blessed, but with the word waters or refreshes it goes beyond giving financially to giving emotionally and relationally. When people join Woodland Christian Church we tell that we expect them to be giving, but we stress that it goes far beyond putting a check in the offering box. We want people to give of their time, energy, talents, etc.

Those who are stingy with their time and effort lack friends 

Friendly, loving people who are interested in others will often find others friendly, loving, and interested in them. And the opposite is also true: those who are unfriendly, selfish, and uninterested in others often find it difficult to make friends and will find people uninterested in them.

Proverbs 11:26 The people will curse him who withholds grain,
But blessing will be on the head of him who sells it.

Another contrast between the generous and stingy, continuing the same principle: the generous are blessed and the stingy are cursed. This proverb, like the previous one, also goes beyond a discussion of finances to our relationships with people. It’s not financial gain or loss, but social gain or loss. People can’t stand the greedy, but they love the giving. Being generous moves beyond just being blessed financially to being blessed in our relationships with others.

Proverbs 11:28 He who trusts in his riches will fall,
But the righteous will flourish like foliage.

This last verse gives a strong encouragement regarding finances: we shouldn’t put our trust in them. Putting our confidence in our bank accounts will lead to failure. Instead we need to pursue righteousness – which is available by grace through faith in Christ – and that’s what our confidence needs to be in.

Discuss

Have you found these warnings to be true? Do you think of being stingy only with money, or do you see how it relates to our time and energy too? Share any thoughts or questions below!

Nagging your husband can kill him?

Nagging your husband can kill himI preached a sermon on 1 Peter 3:1, which instructs wives to “win over their husbands without a word.” In other words, wives should strive to avoid nagging their husbands.

Soon after I saw a Danish study conducted by researchers from the University of Copenhagen that was published in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health: “Stressful social relations and mortality: a prospective cohort study. The study suggests:

Husbands of nagging wives can actually be nagged to death. This significantly shortens one’s life, and could result in three extra deaths per 100 people per year.

The study followed nearly 10,000 men and women between the ages of 36 and 52 for 11 years. The researches found:

The stress of constant moaning can weaken the body’s immune system. People nagged by spouses are more likely to get heart disease and cancer.

Dr. Lund, the author of the study, blamed stress for causing the early deaths as it triggers high blood pressure and other issues. He said:

Excessive demands – or nagging – can more than double the risk of death in middle-age; it can lower the immune system and lead to other health problems.

Nagging affects men and women, but it’s worse for men

Nagging negatively affects women, which means men aren’t excused from being challenged by the results. But men find themselves particularly at risk—more than twice as likely to die as women. Unlike women, men don’t share their problems with close friends or family. Many men only confide in their wives who, unfortunately, happen to be the very person causing them grief. Dr. Lund said, “The one person [husbands] have as a confident is actually the one putting the [stress] on them.” The study suggested going to work could provide relief, because it gets husbands away from the source of their stress. Men who are unemployed are more likely to die demonstrates this fact.

The study confirms what God’s Word says

A nagging wife damages her marriage and her husband…

  • The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping (Proverbs 19:13b).
  • Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious (Proverbs 21:9 & 25:24).
  •  Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman (Proverbs 21:19).

Nagging makes a husband want to get as far away from his wife as possible. He would rather be on the corner of a rooftop or in the wilderness.

Proverbs 27:15-16 A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious (or nagging) woman are alike; Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.

Restraining a nagging wife is impossible. It’s like trying to restrain the wind or pick up oil with your hand. When you try to restrain a nagging or contentious wife by responding, it makes her more contentious. She engages in even more nagging! All you can do is climb to the corner of a rooftop or dwell in the wilderness to get away from her.

What should a wife do?

Here’s an excerpt from my book, Marriage God’s Way:

If a wife wants her husband to read God’s Word more, pray more, or be a godlier man, rather than nagging him, she herself should read God’s Word more, pray more, and be a godlier woman. Wives should be encouraged by Jesus’s promise to send the Holy Spirit in John 16:8: “When [the Holy Spirit] has come, He will convict the world of sin.” Notice the emphasis is on the Holy Spirit doing the convicting. This includes husbands, unbelieving or otherwise! Wives are not supposed to take over the Holy Spirit’s role in their husbands’ lives. Wives should pray, and then trust the Holy Spirit to do the work Jesus promised He would do.

No husband can sit at home being unspiritual and lame while watching his spiritual wife without feeling ashamed. A husband might pretend that he is not convicted, and his wife might not be able to tell by looking at him that he feels convicted, but he does. In contrast, when a wife is unsubmissive, angry, and nagging, the husband does not see God through her and as a result avoids feeling convicted at all.

Discuss

  • Do you have any marriage questions? If so, send them to me. Katie and I want to answer them on Facebook Live.
  • What solutions do you see for husbands and wives when it comes to nagging? Share your answers in the comments section!

Wisdom from Proverbs 27

Wisdom from Proverbs 27.
Wisdom from Proverbs 27.

Since it’s the 27th, Katie and I read Proverbs 27 together this morning; whether you believe God gives us a chapter of Proverbs for each day of the month, it still works out nicely for us to introduce wisdom into our lives regularly. During our reading this morning, I was encouraged by a number of verses and wanted to pass along some thoughts; the point isn’t to comment on every verse, but share what stood out…

1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
For you do not know what a day may bring forth.

This isn’t condemning planning or preparing for the future as that would conflict with other Proverbs telling us to do just that: Proverbs 6:6-11, 21:20, 27:12. It’s is a criticism of declaring what will happen in the future; it’s condemning the pride of being a false prophet and foretelling the future. The same warning is given in the New Testament in James 4:13-16.

Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth;
A stranger, and not your own lips.

My wife made a good point that the word “Let” shows it’s not bad for others to speak well of us; it’s only bad if we’re the ones doing it.

A stone is heavy and sand is weighty,
But a fool’s wrath
(or provocation in the NIV, ESV, NASB, WB) is heavier than both of them.

When a fool provokes you, it’s very hard not to respond. I wrote about this in a recent post: “How to Deal with a Fool.”

Open rebuke is better
Than love carefully concealed.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

I wrote about these fantastic verses in a recent post: “Correcting People is Loving.”

A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb,
But to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.

When you’re full, even something as delicious as honey is unattractive, but when you’re hungry enough even the worst tasting food is appealing: “There are no picky eaters in third world countries.”

Katie and I believe this is a great verse for parents at mealtime: if your kids don’t want to eat what’s put in front of them, they’re not hungry enough.

14 He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning,
It will be counted a curse to him.

A friend might have the most wonderful thing to say, but if he/she shows up at your door at 3am to tell you it’ll sound more like a curse. Katie had written in her Bible, “Timing is everything.

17 As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

This relates to my recent posts about giving and receiving correction.

18 Whoever keeps the fig tree will eat its fruit;
So he who waits on his master will be honored.

19 As in water face reflects face,
So a man’s heart reveals the man.

The heart – and not the way someone looks outwardly – is the real revelation of a person.

20 Hell and Destruction are never full;
So the eyes of man are never satisfied.

One of the strongest verses in the Bible discussing the emptiness people experience looking at porn.

21 The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold,
And a man is valued by what others say of him.

Fire tests gold and silver and reveals the value of it, and the same is true of people when they’re praised:

  • Praise tests whether people become prideful.
  • Praise reveals whether people have the character to stay humble.

22 Though you grind a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain,
Yet his foolishness will not depart from him.

Fools don’t listen, they don’t learn; they can experience terrible consequences as a result of their foolishness, but they stay the same. I discussed this verse in the post I mentioned earlier: “How to Deal with a Fool.”

23 Be diligent to know the state of your flocks,
And attend to your herds;
24 For riches are not forever,
Nor does a crown endure to all generations.
25 When the hay is removed, and the tender grass shows itself,
And the herbs of the mountains are gathered in,
26 The lambs will provide your clothing,
And the goats the price of a field;
27 You shall have enough goats’ milk for your food,
For the food of your household,
And the nourishment of your maidservants.

Although these verses aren’t primarily for pastors, I found tremendous encouragement and exhortation as a pastor:

  • Know your flock and take care of the people that are part of it (v. 23).
  • Riches and wealth don’t last and can’t take care of you, but if you take care of your flock, your flock will take care of you (vv. 24-27).

How Do You Deal with Fools?

There are two reasons to understand fools:

  1. Learn how to recognize fools.
  2. Learn how to avoid being foolish ourselves. Even though certain people are identified as fools.

There’s some foolishness in all of us. Learning about fools can convict us of our own foolishness.

How to identify a Proverbs fool…

They’re described as unteachable:

Proverbs 1:7b Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Proverbs 1:22c Fools hate knowledge.

It’s not that they literally hate wisdom, instruction and knowledge. They hate it in the sense that they won’t gain any because they think they know everything:

Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes.

Since they refuse to learn, they continually make the same mistakes.

Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

Instead of learning:

Proverbs 18:2 A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.

This is to say they don’t want to understand. They just want to listen to themselves talk. This leaves them very puffed up:

Proverbs 14:3a In the mouth of a fool is a rod of pride.

This pride leaves them blind to their own foolishness. They’re deceived:

Proverbs 14:8 The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit.

Wise people know the truth about themselves. They see themselves accurately. Fools on the other hand have deceived themselves into thinking they’re wise. As a result they think they’re speaking wisdom, when in fact:

Proverbs 15:2b The mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.

Proverbs 15:14b The mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.

This is why their mouths and ignorance get them in trouble:

Proverbs 18:7 A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul.

Proverbs 10:21 Fools die for lack of wisdom.

What’s the solution for fools? How can they avoid the destruction their foolishness brings? The solution is to become teachable:

Proverbs 8:5 O you simple ones, understand prudence, and you fools, be of an understanding heart.

How to deal with a Proverbs fool…

Now that we have an understanding of the characteristic of fools, this is the obvious question!

The simple answer is you don’t! Proverbs says the best way to deal with fools is by not dealing with them at all:

Proverbs 14:7 Go from the presence of a foolish man, when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge.

When you recognize people are fools, it’s time to get away from them!

If you choose to hang around fools though, the Bible also lets you know what to expect:

Proverbs 13:20b The companion of fools will be destroyed.

What if you don’t want to be the “companion of fools” but you want to try to reason with a fool. In other words, what if you try to deal with a fool? The reality is you can’t, because it’s inevitably going to become an argument. Scripture is clear about the hostility you should expect dealing with fools:

Proverbs 12:16 A fool’s wrath is known at once.

Fools are quick tempered and often respond in anger. This is how miserable it is:

Proverbs 17:12 Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs,than a fool in his folly.

A fool will hate what you have to say:

Proverbs 23:9 Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words.

You’ll be scorned if you try to correct a fool:

Proverbs 14:9a Fools mock at sin.

The clear instruction from Scripture is not to waste your time trying to deal with a fool; it is a futile, frustrating endeavor. You can’t talk any sense into a fool, and not to sound too simple, but this is what makes him a fool: he won’t listen. He won’t learn. He could experience terrible punishment and discipline, but he won’t change:

Proverbs 27:22 Though you grind a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, yet his foolishness will not depart from him.

If fools would listen they’d cease being fools, but since they won’t it’s best to let them continue in their foolishness. What’s the problem with this though? If you’ve been around a fool it’s hard not to respond!

Proverbs 27:3 A stone is heavy and sand is weighty, but the provocation of a fool is heavier than both.

The difficult dilemma with fools…

You shouldn’t respond to a fool for the reasons mentioned, but you know if you don’t respond the person will remain a fool. The situation is described perfectly:

Proverbs 26:4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. You want to respond so he doesn’t continue to think he’s right and remain a fool.

Answering a fool makes you “like him” in two ways:

  1. It is so foolish to answer a fool you have to be a fool to do so.
  2. You won’t be able to help but look like a fool when you respond, hence the quote, “Don’t argue with a fool because onlookers won’t be able to tell the difference.”

Proverbs 26:4 says not to answer a fool, and then Proverbs 26:5 says the opposite? It looks like a contradiction unless you consider how well it captures the predicament you’re in with a fool:

  • You can’t answer a fool because of his foolishness.
  • You should answer a fool so he learns some wisdom.

Despite the strong urge to respond, DON’T! Unless you want the frustration the Bible clearly warns you’ll experience.

Discuss:

  • Do the verses in Proverbs help you recognize a fool? More importantly, do they warn you against being foolish yourself?
  • Have you dealt with a fool before?
  • Requiring some humility, when have you acted like a fool?

Share your answer(s) in the comment section below!

2 Examples of Receiving Correction Well

The bible has a lot to say about the importance of receiving correction well. Consider the following verses just from the Book of Proverbs:

  • Rebuke a mocker and he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you—Proverbs 9:8-9
  • Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid—Proverbs 12:1
  • He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored—Proverbs 13:18
  • A fool spurns discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence—Proverbs 15:5
  • He who hates correction will die—Proverbs 15:10b
  • He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise—Proverbs 15:31-32
  • A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool—Proverbs 17:10
  • Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise—Proverbs 19:20
  • Rebuke a discerning man, and he will gain knowledge—Proverbs 19:25b
  • When a wise man is instructed, he gets knowledge—Proverbs 21:11b
  • Like a an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear—Proverbs 25:12
  • A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed – without remedy—Proverbs 29:1

Two recent examples of people receiving correction well…

A young man asked me to listen to a message he preached. I was a little hesitant to do so for two reasons: Continue reading “2 Examples of Receiving Correction Well”

Two Sides to Every Story

The other day Ricky came running in the house slamming his hand into his thigh angrily saying, “Rhea hit me in the leg. Rhea hit me in the leg!” He was reenacting the terribly violent action of his sister. It just occurred to me while writing this that if Ricky could hit his leg in the same spot Rhea hit him, his leg must not have been hurting very badly. Anyway, I said, “Wow! This sounds serious. Let me get Rhea to come in so I can ask her what happened.” Ricky quickly replied with, “Buuuuuuuut….I was kind of choking her. All I wanted was a piggy-back ride and she wouldn’t give me one.” Don’t you feel like choking people when they won’t give you a piggy-back ride?

It’s hard to trust kids…but I think it can be just as hard with adults at times. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard someone’s side of a story and thought to myself, “I can’t imagine it being any different than what this person just said” only to hear the other person’s side and find myself thinking, “Uhhh. Wow. Now I see where this person’s coming from too.” It’s Proverbs 18:17 The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.

One time when Katie and I were driving home we saw a young lady sitting on the curb only a few houses down from us. She looked really upset so Katie went to talk to her. She said she needed us to give her money so she could make it back to the other side of the country. Her sister kicked her out and if we didn’t help her she’d be homeless. By the time she finished explaining everything, I found myself thinking I couldn’t believe anyone could be that cruel. That’s about the time her niece yelled out the front door, “Mom says to quit being a baby and get back in the house.” Turns out she wasn’t kicked out at all; when she didn’t get what she wanted she tried to run away.

Probably the craziest thing is even when people have completely conflicting sides it doesn’t mean anyone is lying. Both people can be telling the truth…from their own perspectives. Jim says, “There are three sides to every story: one person’s side, the other person’s side, and the truth.” The most important thing is investing the time necessary to thoroughly listen, while making sure not to come co any conclusions until both sides are heard.

Sunday’s sermon, Luke 3:15-17 True Humility can be found here.