Husbands Love Your Wives

“Husbands Love Your Wives” is the second message I preach at Marriage God’s Way Conferences. This message is the complement to “Wives Submit to Your Husbands.” Watch this video to have a marriage conference in the privacy of your own home!

Below you will find:

  1. Lessons for the message
  2. Discussion questions for the message
  3. Message notes
  4. Information about a Marriage God’s Way Conference you (or your church) could host
  5. Information about my books: Marriage God’s Way, and the accompanying workbook.

Lessons

Lesson 1: Husbands love their wives by ______________ them with the ________ (Ephesians 5:26; John 15:3, 17:17).

Lesson 2: Husbands love their wives by setting the ________________ for ________________ in the home.

Lesson 3: Husbands get the wives they ______________ for __________________ (Ephesians 5:27; Galatians 5:19–23, 6:7).

Lesson 4: Husbands love their wives by __________ as ___________________ about them as they are about themselves (Ephesians 5:28–29; Genesis 2:23–24).

Lesson 5: (Part I) Wives must feel like the ______________ ______________________ in their husband’s life, (Part II) which can take ____________________ ________________ things from the husband’s life (Ephesians5:31; Matthew 5:29, 18:9).

Lesson 6: Think of how Jesus loved ______ __________ (Matthew 13:44–46; Romans 3:11; Hebrews 12:2).

Discussion Questions

Husband asks wife:

  • Do you feel like I love you? What do I do that makes you feel loved? What do I do that makes you feel unloved?
  • Do you feel like I take care of you as well as I take care of myself?
  • Do you feel like the supreme relationship in my life?

Wife asks husband:

  • What do I do that makes it easy to love me? What do I do that makes it hard to love me?
  • Do we have anything in our home that should be removed, because it is threatening our holiness?
  • What fruit of the Spirit or works of the flesh do you see in me that characterize my life?


Message Notes

The next message is on page 7, but first please look at page 6. I want to briefly review Lesson 1…

LESSON 1: AS WE BEGIN, MAKE THE DECISION TO:

  • (PART I) FOCUS ON YOUR WEAKNESSES MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE’S.

  • (PART II) TURN YOUR FRUSTRATIONS INTO PRAYER.

  • (PART III) RECOGNIZE YOUR MARRIAGE IS A REFLECTION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST.

The title of our second message is, “A Husband’s Love.” So for the next hour the ladies need to plug their ears. Just kidding, but they do need to pray for their husbands!


Last night we discussed some of the effects The Fall has on our marriages. I concluded by telling you that the way to reverse the effects of The Fall is by obeying God’s commands. This morning we’ll start looking at those commands!

Please open your bibles to Eph 5:25

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

 You notice the word love is used twice to discuss two different relationships:

  • Christ’s relationship to the Church.
  • Husbands’ relationships to their wives.

As husbands we’re commanded to love our wives w/ the same selfless, sacrificial love Christ has for His church. Christ gave everything He had – including His own life for the sake of the church – and that’s the standard of sacrifice husbands are to have for their wives.

This is why no husband can ever feel like he perfectly obeys this verse. When Christ is the standard no husband can ever feel like he’s arrived.


The Greek word for love is agape, which is an unconditional love. So husbands are commanded to love their wives unconditionally. This is why the verse doesn’t contain the word “if.” It doesn’t say, “Husbands, love your wives IF…” This means husbands are commanded to love their wives:

  • Even if they’re not submissive…
  • Even if they mistreat us…
  • Even if they don’t respect us…
  • Even if they don’t love us in return…we’re commanded to love our wives even if our love isn’t reciprocated.

This is exactly what Christ’s love is like for the church, and it’s what a husband’s love is supposed to be like for his wife.

So whenever I’m upset w/ Katie – which happened one time like 8 years ago – I need to remind myself that God commands me to love her…

  • Regardless of what she has or hasn’t done.
  • Regardless of how she has or hasn’t treated me.

Eph 5:25 is THEE command for husbands, so this begs the question, “Why are there verses after this? If this is what God wants husbands to do, why doesn’t it just end here?”

The answer is verse 25 gives husbands the command, and the following verses tell husbands what it looks like to obey the command!

 No man wants to be a bad husband, but sometimes husbands don’t know what it looks like to be good husband. These verses tell us!

 This is important, b/c if you asked 100 people what it looks like for a husband to love his wife you’d probably get 100 different answers. Here are some of the answers you might get, especially if you asked worldly people:

  • Buy your wife expensive jewelry.
  • Take your wife to fancy restaurants.
  • Bring your wife on exotic vacations.
  • Make sure your wife lives in an impressive home.
  • Give your wife whatever she wants.

Generally the world says loving your wife looks like materialism. So here’s an important point we want to keep in mind as husbands:

  • We can be a complete failure as a husband in the world’s eyes, while being a great husband in God’s eyes.
  • We can also be a complete failure as a husband in God’s eyes while being a great husband in the world’s eyes.

We obviously want to be great husbands in God’s eyes, and this leaves us w/ good news and bad news…

  • The good news is you don’t have to buy your wife lots of expensive things to be a good husband in God’s eyes.
  • The bad news is buying your wife stuff is much easier than doing what God commands in the following verses!

If you look at verse 26 you can see what God says husbands to do if they want to love their wives as God commands…

 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

This is what it looks like for husbands to love their wives in God’s eyes, and it brings us to Lesson 1…

LESSON 1: HUSBANDS LOVE THEIR WIVES BY WASHING THEM WITH THE WORD.

Husbands are commanded to sanctify their wives. This verse clearly shows husbands at least partially responsible for their wives’ sanctification:

  • Husbands aren’t completely responsible for their wives’ sanctification, but we definitely have some part in it.
  • If you want to be a husband that pleases God, help your wife in her sanctification.

And we’re told how this sanctifying takes place: through washing by the Word of God. The Word of God is what washes us and cleanses us. Listen to these verses Jesus spoke:

  • John 17:17 Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.
  • John 15:3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

There are a number of ways for husbands to wash their wives w/ the Word. Here are just a few…

  1. First, take your family to church consistently. It saddens me when I see what some husbands will choose over corporate worship on the Lord’s Day w/ their families.
  2. Second, there are plenty of church activities – whether it’s Bible studies or home fellowships – that put couples in places to hear God’s Word and have it wash over them.
  3. Third, you can play sermons or Christian stations or just listen to the Bible in your home or when you’re driving places.
  4. Fourth, you can attend Christian conferences – like this one and the upcoming Christian Heritage Conference – that teach God’s Word.
  5. Fifth – and I’d say most obviously – read the Word w/ your wife. This is one of the most basic and foundational ways for husbands to sanctify and cleanse their wives w/ the Word.

Gentlemen, let me ask you a question…

I’m not saying Christians can’t have televisions, but what brings your family together more? The television or the Word of God?


The fact that husbands are called to sanctify and cleanse their wives tells us something about our responsibility…and this brings us to Lesson 2…

LESSON 2: HUSBANDS LOVE THEIR WIVES BY SETTING THE STANDARD FOR HOLINESS IN THE HOME.

Since men are responsible w/ helping sanctify their wives, men have to set the standard for holiness in the home; it is not the wife’s responsibility.

  • This means women shouldn’t have to fight their husbands to have a holier home.
  • This means husbands are responsible for what comes into the home and what influences the home.
  • Gentlemen, please look at me: this means you’re responsible with:
    • What your family watches.
    • What your family listens to.
    • How your family talks or jokes.
    • What company your family keeps.
    • How your family dresses.
    • How your family spends their time.
    • What your family does recreationally.
    • You’re responsible w/ your family’s involvement in the local church.

But let me tell you something that’s very unfortunate….

This is an observation – so I can’t say it’s always true, and maybe you haven’t had the same observation – but…

  • I don’t hear husbands complaining about their wives’ holiness…but I hear wives complaining about their husbands’ holiness.
  • I don’t hear husbands complain about things their wives watch, listen to, or say, but I hear wives complain about things their husbands watch, listen to, or say.
  • Similarly, I don’t hear men say:
    • My wife won’t go to church w/ me.
    • My wife doesn’t want to join a home fellowship.
    • My wife doesn’t want to pray or read the Bible w/ me.
    • But I do hear wives say these things about their husbands.

This is even more unfortunate when we consider God called husbands to be the spiritual leaders in the home and set the standard for holiness.

  • It’s terrible when women have to be the spiritual leaders in the homes wishing their husbands were more spiritual. It’s terrible, but it’s common.
  • Let’s try to make sure it’s not like this in our homes!

Let’s take a look at verse 27 as Paul continues explaining what it looks like for husbands to love their wives…

 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

 This is reminiscent of the previous verse in that it’s describing the sanctifying and cleansing work Jesus does w/ the church, but Paul does something else w/ this verse that is truly profound…

Notice the words that He might present her to Himself. There’s a very important truth contained here that I want to make sure we don’t miss…

This verse is directly connected to verse 26. It’s saying Christ does what He does in verse 26 – sanctifying and cleansing the church – so He can get the glorious church described in verse 27 that doesn’t have spot or wrinkle or any such thing but is holy and without blemish:

  • NLT He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church
  • ESV So that he might present the church to himself in splendor

Here’s the simplest way to say this: Christ gets the church He prepares for Himself.

Since Christ’s relationship with the church is the picture for husbands’ relationships with their wives, what else is this saying?

LESSON 3: HUSBANDS GET THE WIVES THEY PREPARE FOR THEMSELVES.

Jesus gets the church He prepares for Himself, but since this is also about marriage, it means husbands generally get the wives they prepare for themselves.

Wives respond very well to love and holiness and obedience to God’s Word:

  • When husbands treat their wives forgivingly, lovingly, and tenderly they usually get wives that are more forgiving, loving and tender.
  • When husbands treat their wives unforgivingly, unlovingly, and harshly they usually find themselves w/ wives that are less forgiving, less loving, and less tender.

Earlier I said husbands are heavily involved in their wives’ sanctification. Another way to think of this is husbands are heavily involved in the wives…THEY GET!

The reason is simple: if a husband is sanctifying and cleansing his wife, he’s going to get a sanctified and cleansed wife.

So if you’re a husband and you want a really good reason to take your wife to church, read the Word w/ her, pray w/ her, and help her grow spiritually – ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT GOD COMMANDS IT AND WILL HOLD US ACCOUNTABLE FOR IT – another great reason is you’ll get a more spiritually mature wife.

What does it look like to have a more spiritually mature wife? Think of the qualities that come from sanctification…you’ll have a wife that’s more…

If you have a spiritually mature wife, you’ll have a wife that produces more of the fruit of the spirit: Gal 5:22 love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control.

 Let’s think of the other side of this…

 If you don’t lead your wife well spiritually, you’ll get a wife who’s less spiritual. In other words, you’ll get a wife who’s more…fleshly, and what comes w/ the flesh?

Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are evident (and here are a few of them…) hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions.

These aren’t the works husbands want from their wives, but these are the works they get if they’re poor spiritual leaders.


We’re going to look at verse 28 in more detail in a moment, but briefly look at it right now: 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; HE WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF.

 Why does it say a husband who loves his wife loves himself? B/c a husband who loves his wife like these verses are describing IS LOVING HIMSELF! He’s doing himself a great service: he’s going to get a wonderful wife in return.


Gal 6:7 says, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”

This verse applies very well to a man’s relationship w/ his wife. Husbands reap what they sow in marriage:

  • If husbands will invest in their wives…
  • If they will sow seeds of love and interest…
  • If they’ll sow spiritual seeds of sanctification…

They’ll reap what they’ve sown.

I have listened to some husbands talk terribly about their wives, but think about this for a moment…

When a husband talks really bad about his wife, who is he really making look bad?

More than likely this husband has treated his wife terribly. He’s probably getting the wife he prepared for himself!


Let me summarize this lesson by saying this:

  1. First and foremost, husbands ought to love their wives and lead them well spiritually b/c that’s what God commands and we’re going to be held accountable for doing that.
  2. But second, husbands ought to love their wives and lead them well spiritually so they have loving, spiritual wives.

Please look at verse 28 again…

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

 This brings us to Lesson 4…

LESSON 4: HUSBANDS LOVE THEIR WIVES BY BEING AS CONCERNED ABOUT THEM AS THEY ARE ABOUT THEMSELVES.

If you briefly look at verse 31 it says: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

I need to ask you to follow me for a moment…

This is a quote of Gen 2:24, which was written right after Eve was created. Since Adam knew Eve came from him:

  • When Adam looked at Eve, it was like he was looking at himself…
  • When Adam loved Eve, it was like he was loving himself…
  • When Adam took care of Eve – specifically when he took care of her body and her flesh – it was like he was taking care of his body and his flesh.
  • And of course he would take care of Eve if he saw her as an extension of his body b/c nobody hates their own flesh…instead they nourish and cherish it.

Does this sound familiar? This is the language of Eph 5:28.

Look at it again: So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

More than likely Paul – under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit – had Adam and Eve in mind when he wrote this. It’s especially easy to think that b/c Eph 5:31 quotes Gen 2:24 tying it back to Adam and Eve.

Also, if you look at verse 30 Paul said…

30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

 Again, do these words look familiar? What did Adam say right after Eve was created?

Gen 2:23 [She is] bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

If you write in your bible you can circle Eph 5:30 and write, “Gen 2:23.”

Now let me connect the dots and provide the application for husbands…

What God did w/ Adam and Eve looked forward to what Christ would do w/ His bride, the Church. The reality is:

  • The way Eve came from Adam PHYSICALLY pictures the way the church comes from Christ SPIRITUALLY.
  • The way Eve was part of Adam’s body, of his flesh and his bones, verse 30 says we – the church – are [part] of His body, of His flesh and His bones.
  • Like Adam was Eve’s head, so too is Christ our head.
  • Like Eve was to be Adam’s helper, so are we to be Christ’s helper;
  • Just like God told Adam He would make him a helper suitable for him, so too we – the church – are the suitable helper for Christ.

And here’s the application for husbands…

  • Adam saw Eve as an extension of himself and as husbands we’re to see our wives as extensions of ourselves.
  • When Adam took care of Eve – when he was nourishing and cherishing her body – he was literally taking care of – or nourishing and cherishing – his own body…like husbands are to nourish and cherish our wives as our own bodies.
  • When we – husbands – think of the way Adam took care of Eve – a woman he literally saw as part of himself – this is how God wants us to think of our wives: as part of ourselves.

Gentlemen, I want to ask you some questions, but before I do I want to tell you I am convicted by these questions myself, b/c I know I fall short…

  • Are you as concerned about how your wife is doing as you are about how you’re doing?
  • Are you as concerned about how much sleep your wife is getting as you are about how much you’re getting?
  • When your wife is sick are you as concerned about how she’s doing as you are about yourself when you’re sick?
  • Are you as concerned about your wife overworking herself as you are about overworking yourself?

When I was going over this message w/ Katie she said, “These are great questions!”


Let me tell you what almost any man would be WILLING to do, and then let me tell you what God WANTS men to do…

  • Every man would be willing to jump in front of a car to save his wife.
  • We all think if someone broke into our houses we’d be willing to protect our wives if it meant laying down our lives for them.

But guess what many guys aren’t willing to do?

  • Daily lay down our lives for our wives.
  • Daily think about our wives and what’s best for them.

This is what God wants us to do!


So what does this look like?

It looks like sacrifice. It looks like giving up things we wouldn’t have to give up if we didn’t have a wife:

  • That could be sleep.
  • Could be free time.
  • Could be sports.
  • Could be video games.
  • Could be television.
  • Could be time with friends.

Could be whatever it is that prevents us from loving and caring for our wives the way we love and care for ourselves.


Finally, please look at verse 31

 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

This verse is making an amazingly strong statement about the wife’s position in the husband’s life.

The reason a young man’s father and mother are mentioned, is they’re the most important relationship in his life,.

So the idea is…

If a man is supposed to leave his father and mother for his wife, there’s nothing he shouldn’t be willing to leave for his wife.

Second only to a husband’s relationship w/ Christ, his relationship w/ his wife must be the supreme relationship in his life. And this brings us to Lesson 5…

LESSON 5: (PART I) WIVES MUST FEEL LIKE THE SUPREME RELATIONSHIP IN THEIR HUSBAND’S LIFE…

Eph 5:25 commands husbands to love their wives, and w/ this verse Paul says husbands should love their wives in such a way:

  • Wives never feel threatened by anyone or anything in their husband’s life.
  • Wives never feel like 2nd place to anyone or anything in their husband’s life.
  • Wives never feel like their husbands have a relationship w/ anyone or anything that’s more important than his relationship w/ her.

And here’s an important point…

When wives feel like 2nd place, they don’t usually feel this way b/c of another woman. Usually it’s b/c of someactivity or hobby in their husband’s life that takes priority to them. It could be:

  • Sports
  • Television
  • Cars
  • Poker night
  • Alcohol
  • Friends
  • Work
  • Hobbies
  • Video Games
  • Education
  • Children: our wives have to be supreme even over our children:
    • I love my children, but I try to let them know I love Katie even more.
    • When I walk in the door I try to kiss and hug Katie before I kiss and hug my kids.

So one lesson for husbands is we can never claim that just b/c the Bible doesn’t forbid something it’s okay for us!

I knew two wives in CA and they felt like second place to their husbands’ water skiing and horses. Since the Bible doesn’t forbid water skiing or horses, the husbands felt like they weren’t doing anything wrong.

But what does the Bible forbid?

It forbids anything that makes a wife feel like 2nd place. The Bible doesn’t forbid the action, but it does forbid the husband’s relationship to the action!


I deliberately worded the lesson this way for a reason…

I said wives must FEEL like the supreme relationship in their husband’s life, because…

  • If I say, “A wife must BE the supreme relationship in her husband’s life” a husband can say, “She is the supreme relationship in my life. There’s nothing more important than her.” But she might not feel that way.
  • But if I say, “A wife must FEEL like the supreme relationship in her husband’s life,” it’s about how the wife FEELS and not what the husband says.

Please picture something for a moment…

A wife says: “I don’t feel like I’m the supreme relationship in your life. There’s this other thing that’s more important than me.”

Then the husband says, “Okay, I’ll go ahead and get my priorities in order and do that less.”

 This husband almost always fails for a reason I want to discuss. This brings us to the next part of Lesson 5…

LESSON 5: (PART I) WIVES MUST FEEL LIKE THE SUPREME RELATIONSHIP IN THEIR HUSBAND’S LIFE (PART II), WHICH CAN TAKE COMPLETELY REMOVING THINGS FROM THE HUSBAND’S LIFE.

Gentlemen, if your wife feels like 2nd place to something in your life, here’s the hard truth…

It’s going to be very difficult to keep that in your life w/o her continuing to feel like 2nd place. Think of what your actions have already shown:

  • Your actions have already shown you have an unhealthy relationship or obsession.
  • Your actions have already shown you have trouble having this in your life in a balanced or moderate way.
  • Your actions have already shown you have trouble making your wife supreme over this action, behavior, or hobby that makes her feel inferior.

So what does this more than likely mean?

It means…

  • You’re probably not going to be able to keep this in your life in any healthy or balanced way.
  • You’re probably not ever going to be able to make your wife the supreme relationship in your life as long as this activity, hobby, or behavior is in your life.

You have to be as ruthless and severe as Jesus commanded…

God uses repetition when He wants to emphasize a point, and two times – in Matt 5:29 & 18:9 – He said, If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.


Gentlemen, but let’s say your wife feels like second place to something and you choose NOT to use the ruthlessness and severity Jesus commanded. Here’s what’s more than likely going to happen…

You’re going to make your wife some promises about her being the supreme relationship in your life. You’re going to start off well and your wife is going to be happy for a few weeks. But inevitably whatever was making your wife feel like second place is going to start creeping back into that position of prominence in your life just like it was before.

Too often I have been in counseling, witnessed a wife’s pain associated w/ some area of her husband’s life, and the husband says, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll get my priorities in order. I’ll make sure things are in balance and only do this in moderation.”

Here’s what the husband might as well say instead…

“Things are going to change superficially for a few weeks, but before long things will be right back to the way they were before. Actually, you’ll be feeling even worse b/c you’ll see me fail again, increasing your confidence that things will never change.”


So what’s the solution for husbands?

Whatever is making our wives feel like second place, we need to get that out of our lives completely:

  • Put your wife in her rightful place.
  • Make her your queen.
  • Show her she is the supreme relationship in your life.

Then enjoy the blessing of:

  • An improved marriage.
  • A healthier, happier wife.
  • A wife – and possibly children – who see the sacrifice you’re making and love and respect you that much more for it.

For this lesson I want to make one final point for husbands and one final point for wives…

Husbands, this means some men will have liberties other men don’t:

For example, one man might love working on cars, but he does it a few hours per month, his wife doesn’t mind, so for him it’s not a problem.

But another guy works on his car every day. He’s obsessed w/ it. His wife hates it. She resents him b/c of it. They can’t talk about it w/o fighting.

So he doesn’t have the same liberty as the other man. He can’t turn around and say, “Well, so-and-so works on his car, so I should be able to work on mine.” 

  • It’s not a problem for the other man, but it’s a problem for this man, so he doesn’t have that liberty.
  • For this man what he thinks is a liberty is actually…a sin.

Now a final point for wives…

We’ve been talking about husbands loving their wives but let me ask you a question…

Can wives make it easier for their husbands to love them?

I’m not trying to make an excuse for your husband. Your husband is commanded to love you unconditionally and sacrificially regardless of how you act toward him, but honestly:

  • Can wives make it easier for their husbands to love them like Christ loved the church?
  • And can wives make it harder for their husbands to love them?

Last night I read those verses in Proverbs, and I’m not going to read them again, but I’ll say even the most godly husbands would have trouble loving the wives described by those verses.

Instead…

 Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

Ladies, strive to be a wife like this to make it easier for your husband to love you.


And our final lesson that I hope can encourage us as we continue discussing marriage…

LESSON 6: THINK OF HOW JESUS LOVED HIS BRIDE.

When we talk about husbands loving their wives and making them supreme, we have to think about Jesus loving His Bride – the church; you and me – and making us supreme through His sacrifice:

I want to finish this message by having you look at Matthew 13:44

44 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. 45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

 If you write in your bible, I want to give you four things to circle:

  1. First, in verse 44 circle the word treasure and in verse 46 circle the words pearl of great price and write, “Me.”
  2. Second, in verse 44 circle the words a man and in verse 45 circle the word merchant and write, “Jesus.”
  3. Third, in verse 44 circle the words sells all that he has and in verse 46 circle the words sold all that he had and write, “Phil 2:7-8” which says, “[Jesus] made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.”
  4. Finally, in verse 44 circle the words buys that field and in verse 46 circle the words bought it and write “Redeemed.”

Both parables are about a Man who views something as so valuable or supreme to Him that He’s willing to give up everything He has to purchase or redeem it. That’s how Jesus feels about His Bride.

Also, notice in verse 44, Jesus didn’t really care about the field He bought, He wanted the treasure that came w/ the field – or the earth – and that’s you and me. He purchased the field – or redeemed the world – not b/c of the field, but b/c of what came w/ the field…and that’s us.

Spurgeon said, “Jesus at the utmost cost to Himself, bought the world to gain His church, which was the treasure which He desired.”


I know there’s another way to view these parables that’s the complete opposite of what I just said. In that view WE are the man or the merchant who found the treasure, and the treasure is salvation or the Kingdom of God and we give up everything to buy it.

I really disagree w/ that view!

First that makes us the initiators: it’s us finding God, it’s us seeking Him…but Rom 3:11 says There is none who seeks after God:

  • God is the initiator.
  • He seeks us out.
  • He goes after the Lost Sheep and the Lost Coin.

Second, that interpretation makes us the heroes of the story. It’s all about what we do. It’s basically a works-based interpretation:

  • We sell everything.
  • We purchase our salvation.
  • We earn the Kingdom of Heaven.

But maybe the strongest reason I reject this interpretation is this…

The OT prefigures or foreshadows the NT and there’s a great picture of this parable in the OT…

Can you think of a man who was willing to buy a field he didn’t really care to have so he could have the treasure – or bride – that came w/ the field?

Boaz and Ruth…and in that account is Boaz a picture of us or Jesus? Jesus. He’s our Kinsman Redeemer.

Boaz purchased – or redeemed Ruth – and then made her His Bride…just like Christ does w/ us.


I mention this b/c you might be struggling w/ your worth in your marriage:

  • Maybe you feel like you’re not valuable.
  • Maybe you feel like you have nothing to offer.

That’s the lie the devil wants you to believe.

The truth is if you’re a believer the Lord sees you as a pearl of great price that He would die for to redeem. This is how valuable you are to the Lord.

In verse 44, notice the word joy. You’re the treasure Jesus found, and finding you brought Him joy.

Interestingly, it was so much joy Heb 12:2 says, “[Jesus] endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him.”

  • That’s how much Jesus loves you…
  • That’s how supreme He made you in His life…

He was willing to go to the cross joyfully to redeem you back from sin and death.

So let me conclude by saying this…

Be encouraged by this great love the Lord has for you, and husbands:

  • Be inspired to love your wives w/ this same love…
  • Be inspired to make your wife supreme in your life…

Like Jesus made us supreme in His life.

Let’s pray.


Would you (or your church) like to host a Marriage God’s Way Conference?

Schedule: Typically there is one session on Friday evening and four sessions on Saturday, but there is flexibility:

  • All the sessions can be on Saturday for a one-day conference.
  • There can be less than five sessions to allow for discussion or Q&A.
  • Sessions can be split over Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and/or Wednesday evening.

Outreach: Consider viewing the conference as an outreach to share Christ with your community. Pastor Scott can run a Facebook ad, and/or set up a Facebook event page for those in the church to share with others.

Compensation: Scott is thankful to be compensated by having copies of Marriage God’s Way and the accompanying workbook purchased for those attending.

If you are interested, please contact Pastor Scott.


Marriage God's Way bundle

The material from this message is contained in Marriage God’s Way and the accompanying workbook. Both are for sale on my site. You can purchase the book and his and her workbooks for 30% off.

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