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Handle frustrations in marriage with these three encouragements

Handle frustrations in marriage with these encouragements

If we’re going to have healthy, joyful relationships, we have to learn to handle frustrations in marriage that inevitably arise. These frustrations can actually increase as we become  more familiar with the Bible!  Since the standard set by God’s Word is so high:

  • A husband could easily become frustrated that his wife is not more respectful or submissive as God’s Word commands.
  • A wife could as easily become frustrated that her husband does not cherish her or provide the spiritual leadership God’s Word commands.

This is illustrated by a situation that took place years ago when I was teaching on marriage. While talking about husbands loving their wives, a woman stood up in front of everyone and criticized her husband for the way he mistreated her. I could have interrupted and said, “Can we pray for you two?” or “Why don’t we talk about this after the study?” Instead, I was caught so off guard that I did the worst thing possible—nothing! I simply stood there with my jaw dropped while the angry wife finished berating her husband. After that I decided it was important to give people encouragement for handling frustrations in marriage…

First, handle frustrations in marriage by remembering your own weaknesses.

Instead of keeping a mental account of all that your spouse does wrong, remind yourself of your own struggles. Instead of focusing on your spouse’s failures, focus on your own. We all have plenty of weaknesses to work on without obsessing over the weaknesses of our spouses. When we start to feel frustrated toward our spouse, we should think back about the ways we’ve failed. This will humble us and diffuse the frustration we’re feeling.

Second, handle frustrations in marriage by thinking of ways to help your spouse grow.

The Bible is not split into one section for husbands and another for wives. The passages on marriage, such as Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 Peter 3:1-7, contain intertwined exhortations for both spouses. This encourages a husband to be familiar with the instruction for his wife, and a wife to be familiar with the instruction for her husband. If a husband knows what is expected of his wife, and a wife knows what is expected of her husband, they can help each other fulfill their biblical responsibilities. We should ask ourselves:

  • How can I help my spouse be a better husband or wife?
  • How can I encourage my spouse to fulfill the role God has given him or her?
  • Is there anything I can do that will make being married to me easier?

If you cannot think of any answers to the last question, you are not thinking hard enough!

Third, handle frustrations in marriage by turning them into prayer.

Take any feelings of hurt, betrayal, or disappointment, and pray that God will help your spouse grow in the area that is upsetting you. Pray also for God to help you be as forgiving and gracious as necessary. When it comes to our spouses, we far more likely to complain, gossip, yell, threaten, pout, or ignore than pray. If we would spend as much time praying for our spouses as we do on these other things, our marriages would be much better. Instead of focusing on:

  • What your spouse does wrong
  • How you shouldn’t be treated the way you’re being treated
  • How you deserve better

Every time you start to feel frustrated, pray for your spouse.

Discussion questions for husbands and wives

  • Why do marriage passages, such as Ephesians 5:22–33 and 1 Peter 3:1–7, intertwine instructions for both spouses? In other words, why should husbands and wives be familiar with Scripture’s commands for their spouses?
  • After looking at the verses above, what things do you struggle with that are preventing you from fulfilling your role in marriage?
  • How can you encourage your spouse to fulfill the role God has given him or her? Provide three examples:
  • What can you do to make being married to you easier? Provide three examples:
  • How will you pray for your marriage differently?

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19 thoughts on “Handle frustrations in marriage with these three encouragements

  1. Scott,

    I loved this post. My Wife and I need to remember these encouragements for the times when we get frustrated. Great Words. I might just have to print them off and put it on the fridge :-).

    1. Hi Matthew,
      Thanks for reading and commenting. Your words are an encouragement to me, especially the part about printing and putting on the fridge :).

  2. […] our marriage struggles, there will be some discomfort. There is going to be some struggle and frustration. We should not be alarmed, because this is part of the natural healing and strengthening process as […]

  3. Great tips! Yes you are right, it is harder to keep up with the biblical standards for marriage, and the same bible contains answers. I love your balanced and practical approach to dealing with frustrations in marriage. Dealing with our own weaknesses rather than focusing on our spouses’ stands out for me now. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Hi Olu,
      I’m glad you appreciated the post. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Yes, focusing on our weaknesses more than our spouse’s would definitely help our marriages!

  4. These are awesome suggestions! I thought about your question- how could I make being married to me easier? One big thing I can do is take his side more. When he tells stories from work, I’m quick to help him see his part in the problem 😬 instead of focusing on understanding how it affected him.

    1. Hi Beka,
      Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate your humility in sharing personally about your relationship. My suspicion is most of us have this same struggle. The difficulty is helping our spouse see when s/he is part of the problem is actually very loving. Hard to find the right balance. The alternative is possibly making our spouse feel entitled by communicating, “You were right and they were wrong.”

  5. All three of your points garnered an “Amen!” My husband always counsels people by telling them that most problems in marriage stems from selfishness. Mine is to never, ever say anything unkind or cutting about your husband to anyone! The first point really resonated with me. Oh dear, the weaknesses I have — and my husband has far fewer. 41 years of marriage — still loving, praying, and growing.

    1. Hi Pamela,
      Thank you for reading and commenting. That’s quite the accomplishment to say you’ve never said anything unkind about your husband to anyone. Wonderful!

      Also, thank you for your testimony—41 years of marriage. I feel like our world rewards some frivolous achievements. In my mind, staying married for decades should be applauded and admired.

  6. What wonderful reminders. I think that number 3 is the key because God can move, change and grow us and our spouses in ways we can never imagine. Seeking Him in our relationship will make such a big impact.

    1. Hi Lisa,
      Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the reminders encouraged you!

  7. Thank you for these wonderful reminders on how to strengthen my marriage. I’m so grateful for being married to my hubby for 27 years. It’s always good to have a reminder to put things into perspective!

    1. Hi Lillian,
      You’re welcome. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Wonderful testimony too; I’m always glad when I meet people who have been married for that many years!

  8. Great post. I think the area of prayer is where we often ignore. We would rather resulted to yelling and nagging if the change we hoped for didn’t happened sooner. Instead of supporting each others in prayers and patiently wait for the change to come.
    Thank you Pastor, may God continue to annoint you for greater works in His Kingdom

    1. Hi Richard,
      Nice to hear from you. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Yes, it’s much easier to let our flesh flare up and get upset, versus humbling ourselves and praying.

  9. We had a similar situation in our small group a few years ago. We didn’t know what to do at the time either. Looking back on it, we should have stopped and prayed for them as suggested. They ended up getting divorced. 🙁

    1. Hi Tara,
      Wow, that is so sad. The situation is made worse by the fact that this couple was in fellowship. Any chance you could reach out to them and see if they’d consider counseling and/or reconciling?

  10. This is a very powerful lesson to me and my wife. So many times, I used to see that my wife doesn’t respect me. Later did I know that we were both short tempered and other wild weakness we had to work on individually to fit each other. The solution came when I received MGW book, I learnt so many new things that have finally shaped my marriage. She just saw me change, actually, one evening, she chose to write me several provoking statements, but she was surprised when i answered her with a thank you. I never complain to her, no more short tempers, I have learnt to be patient with her. And above all appreciate her the way she is. Long live pastor Scott and MGW program.

    1. Hi Efumbi,
      Thank you for reading and commenting. The way Marriage God’s Way worked in your relationship with your wife truly blesses me. Being able to partner with Hope Initiative Ministries, has been a wonderful blessing. Thank you my friend!

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